Why Gravity Hates You.

Gravity hates you. Its true and I can prove it.

What's the first thing you do in the morning when you wake up if you want to go about your life? You 'get' up. You literally have to force your way up off the bed. If you slack off for even a single second, you WILL bite the floor and your whole day will now suck. From the first moment of every day, you are locked in battle with gravity.. Want to go somewhere? Then you have to walk to get from point A to point B. Every single step you take you are fighting gravity, and you are losing. Eventually, as you have before and will again;

You will stumble.

You will try to correct.

You will look like a fool.

You will fall flat on your face.

Gravity: 1
Humanity: 0

Don't believe me yet? Explain what causes the following;

Spilled Beer

Face-Planting Concrete

Death From Sudden Impact At Terminal Velocity

Sagging Breasts

Being Shit On By Birds

Having To Walk Uphill

Gravity: 2

Humanity: 0

Even the wind is in on it. A strong breeze blows by and there goes your hat, right off top floor. It only needed to move a metre in that direction for gravity to totally ruin your day, and thanks to the wind, now it has. It's almost as if gravity isn't just spiteful, but spurned. As if somewhere in the past it was wronged, and we are now paying the price for its unjust treatment.

My money's on the dinosaurs..

Gravity: 3
Humanity: 0

Dinosaurs: -1

At this point it seems more like it actually wants to kill you rather than just make a fool of you. Starting with it's borderline-psychotic actions from seemingly mundane tasks. Breaking an arm from falling from standing height, fracturing a bone falling out of bed, or the ever fearful 'slip in the shower and drown after breaking your neck'. It even has patterns like a serial killer, often using stairs on pregnant women, railings on men's genitalia, and even the wind/gravity combo of 'wind make turbulence, gravity make wreckage'. You see gravity is trying to trick you, it wants to make you fear the ground so you will be goaded into trying to go up to higher heights, just so it can kill you in a more satisfying way.  Despite our long term goals of somehow escaping and going to another planet, even something as far away as the next local cluster would yield no results. Just a dissatisfying sigh as gravity jumps our from behind a rock with his usual 'surprise bitches! I'm here too!'

Gravity: 4
Humanity: 0

So we finally figured out how to get off this planet and into space, and hell, it only took nearly 16 thousand kg of thrust to escape earth's magnetic field. Which might have seemed like an achievement, until you realise that once your in space, the lack of gravity wreaks havoc on the human body (and just about every other creature on earth) to the point of making space un-liveable. If only we could have someone rid ourselves of gravity in the beginning, we wouldn't have evolved with these crappy, gravity based bodies we are stuck with. We could have evolved into a species that can leave the earth whenever, so we could have been some kind of awesome space faring amoeba race and I wouldn't have to sit here in my chair, pondering why I even had to build a device to sit in that withstands gravity in the first place, just so I can look at porn facebook when I feel like it.

The feeling is mutual gravity. Fuck you too.

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If Science Proves Some Belief Of Buddhism Wrong, Then Buddhism Will Have To Change. 

~His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama